Graceful Parenting Transitions: 7 Essential Tips for Nurturing and Supporting Your Aging Parents

Hey Friends!

Have you ever noticed that dealing with your aging parents is much like parenting young children or teens?  As my parents aged I had this niggling that something was similar.

Much of my professional career was working with parents of kids and teens.  We talked a lot about connecting, building relationships, setting limits, offering choices, reflecting their feelings and so forth.  

As I began taking care of my parents I noticed that I was using some of the same parenting skills I shared with my clients. 

Hmmm I was curious and started playing around with the idea that some of these strategies could be adapted to parenting aging parents.  

One of the common complaints I get is that your parents refuse to bathe.  This happened with my dad.  This was confusing to me so I did what I would tell my clients to do with their kids and asked myself what might be going on with Dad.  

• Maybe he was losing time and thinking he just bathed, 

• Maybe he felt like he hadn’t done anything all day so why bathe 

• Maybe he didn’t feel steady standing in the shower and was too proud to say that

• OR maybe he was just being stubborn  

One day I was at the house and my mother was going on and on about my dad not bathing and wanted me to do something!  I said “Fine I will see what I can do” in a not so loving tone! (Hey this is hard work and I could get snarky on hard days😖)  

SO I went over to dad and started chatting with him about his day.  Listening carefully to what he said even though it wasn’t particularly interesting.  He had sat in the carport most of the morning and watched the cars go by, then he had fed his dogs and took out the trash.  

After a few minutes I said in a matter of fact tone of voice…“Dad it’s a hot day and you got a little sweaty feeding the dogs and taking out the trash.  You will definitely want to take a shower or at least a bird bath today.  Which do you think you want to do?  He said “bird bath.”  

Now my dad NEVER took bird baths so that clued me that something about the shower might be concerning.  I walked with him into the house, got him going on his bird bath and left him alone to “bathe” Now I am not sure he actually did anything but that wasn’t the point at this time.  

I went into their bathroom and looked around with a different perspective.  He had to step over the tub, there was not an anti-slip mat, or anything for him to hold on to. All of a sudden there seemed to be a lot of potential hazards.  

Now my dad was a proud and strong man.  I never asked but I doubt very seriously he would’ve told me his worries.  It was then that I realized I had to get creative about how to assist him but help him maintain his dignity.  

Maintaining some sense of control and autonomy is important for all of us even our aging parents. 

It’s possible to give your parents that….with a little creativity and knowledge of brain science!

I encourage you to check out a free resource I created called “Crack the Code: Brain Science Tips for Caregivers”. In this short recording with accompanying handout, you’ll better understand why your aging parents act the way they do and how you can respond with patience and empathy.

Parenting aging parents can be a challenging yet rewarding responsibility. As your parents age, their needs will change, and they may require more support and care.

Here are seven tips for parenting aging parents:

1. Respect your elderly parents autonomy:

   While you may be actively involved in their care, it's essential to respect your parents' autonomy and involve them in decision-making whenever possible. Value their opinions and choices.

2. Educate yourself about the aging process:

   Learn about the aging process, common health issues, and available resources for seniors. The more informed you are, the better equipped you'll be to support your parents.

3. Open communication is key to caring for your aging parents:

   Maintain open and honest communication with your aging parents. Listen to their concerns and preferences, and discuss important decisions together. Understanding their needs and wishes will help you provide the best possible care.

4. Assess their living situation:

   Evaluate their living arrangements to ensure they are safe and suitable for their needs. This may involve considering modifications to their home or exploring alternative living arrangements like assisted living communities.

5. Empathy and patience:

   Aging can be a difficult phase for your parents, and they may experience physical and emotional challenges. Show empathy and patience in your interactions, allowing them the time they need to express themselves.

6. Take care of yourself:

   Parenting aging parents can be emotionally and physically demanding. Don't neglect your well-being; take breaks when needed and seek support from other family members or support groups.

7. Seek professional assistance:

   If you feel overwhelmed or unable to manage all aspects of caring for your aging parents, don't hesitate to seek professional help. This may include hiring a caregiver, consulting with geriatric specialists, or utilizing community resources.

Remember that just like the toddler and teen years each stage of aging comes with its unique challenges, so it's super important to adjust your parenting style and approach with your parents as they continue aging. Providing love, respect, and a supportive environment can significantly improve your parents' well-being and foster a positive relationship with them.

You’ve got this!  

Take Care,

Edla

NOTE: It's important to remember that aging is a highly individualized process, and the timing and progression of these stages can vary among individuals. Additionally, lifestyle factors, genetics, and overall health play significant roles in how individuals experience aging.